My mistress and I are kinda estranged now. I really hate when we are on the outs like this. She’s been the only one around for all the craziness that is my life. I’m lost without here. Her name is Graphic Design.
Creatively, I’m in such a blasé mood. Ever since my wife died on September 11th, the roaring fire in my belly for design seems to have been reduced to just some smoldering embers. The funny thing is I received all my design awards during this 10 year period. I’ve also done some of my best work during this time. Now I’m not the greatest designer out there but I do consider myself pretty decent. Prior to my wife’s death I was hell-bent on my rising career path and can admit that I placed my relationship on the back burner. Late hours, business trips and weekends spent at the office were the times I enjoyed most. I was selfishly consumed with being this great designer. The only thing I was achieving was being an arrogant, self-centered prick. Continue reading I’m Lost Without My Mistress
I decided to take some time off to recharge my mental batteries. Whenever your creative energy starts to ebb, the efforts you put out are so weakened and puts you (and your clients) at risk of bad design. In order to offset that, I decided to dedicate a week to doing nothing creative—just being. The week is almost over and I guess I accomplished my goal—somewhat. While I haven’t done creative, I also haven’t really done what I wanted. Issues with the babysitter not being here this week, bad starts to the day (I just couldn’t get out of bed early) to what now feels like a cold or something trying to brew inside, thanks to my 11-year-old son.
During all this time one thing has been consistent. My mind was tired. With my mind being tired, the body follows suit. That’s why its been so hard getting out of bed. My mind is tired. Mentally I’ve been going through a lot of shit the past 10 years since my (1st) wife was murdered September 11th. I kept working through all that grief and trauma because it kept my mind off of what happen. At the time I thought it was best. I’m not so sure if that was the right move now. While I have had great creative success during this 10 year period, it also came with a thorny backside to it. Winning my first major design awards at The Ozzies in 2002 left me so emotionally numb. What was to be a happy occasion was really a painful one. During the awards ceremony, I piled on the glasses of Jack & Coke. When my name was announced, I was in a tipsy haze as I approached the stage. Always the professional, I accepted without anyone ever knowing how I was feeling that night. I left early after getting two awards that night. Continue reading Taking Time Off To Recharge